Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
