Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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