btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize