My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
