I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
