He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
