you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize