We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
