and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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