Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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