Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
