we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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