What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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