Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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