Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize