youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
