I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize