Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
