Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
