i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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