my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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