you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
