Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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