The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
