R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
