Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
