we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
