No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
