I got chris browned last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
