cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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