its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
