PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
