R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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