Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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