I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
