So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
