Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
