OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
