WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
