did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
