I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
