you told grandpa to call you daddy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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