I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
