I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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