I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
