I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
