She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
