i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
