i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
