I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
