You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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