sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
