Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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