11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
