wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize