Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
