Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
