Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
