a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
