Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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