I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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