hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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