Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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