my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
