He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
