there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
