I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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