im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
