tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
