I didn't shave. On purpose
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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