That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
