I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
